Unraveling Control: How Somatic Healing and Self-Trust Create Real Safety
Control shows up in our bodies as tension.
The high shoulders, the necks that feel tender to move, maybe regular headaches as a possibility, a constriction of our hearts because somewhere in our lives, being out of control was dangerous.
Beyond our own experiences, control has been witnessed across colonized land for over 6000 years. It is ingrained in many of our cores from the chaos that our society has been witnessing.
Being messy and unknown was unsafe. In fact, generations ago, women who stepped out of line, or did not obey as one should, were deemed as crazy, untrustworthy, and hysterical (and not the funny kind).
Earlier stories had beliefs that our behaviours were medical, a wandering womb that would become “sad” if she wasn’t pregnant or having regular sex. This transitioned into a religious viewpoint, women who experienced, anger or non-conformity were viewed as being possessed by demons or practicing witchcraft. This transformed into domestic roles, and back into a medical model where doctors/ psychiatrists formed the medical diagnosis, hysteria. An umbrella term for anything that was found to be problematic from either the doctor or her husband; problems described as anxiety, insomnia, anger, or a strong sexual appetite.
The flow of emotions that our bodies need to feel, the sex (with or without a partner) that we deserve and our bodies are longing for.
Witnessing (or feeling the aftermath) of our cultures being stripped from us; of being told to distrust ourselves; of seeing the land as ‘other’ as opposed to the connection, has been detrimental to how relaxed (aka the opposite of control) our bodies can feel.
Control is a wounded masculine state. An energy that is common amongst our society that keeps our systems in constant stress. That keeps us high alert and feeling as though resting or anything to do with its counterpart, the feminine, as lazy, or wrong.
A system designed to detach us from ourselves.
A Masterclass on the Energetics & Physiology of Feeling
Stop treading water in your feelings.
We’ve all been there, overwhelmed by a wave of emotion that feels like it’s going to pull us under, or so disconnected that we feel like we’re walking through fog. We treat emotions like problems to be solved, but emotions aren't math equations; they are energy in motion.
The Flow of Emotions is a deep-dive masterclass into how your feelings actually work, from the "buzz" in your energy field to the literal wiring of your nervous system.
The Science & Soul of Sensation
To truly flow, you have to understand the "pipes" the emotion is moving through. We’re going beyond "just feeling your feelings" and getting into the mechanics of your internal world.
In this masterclass, we explore:
The Nervous System Connection: Understand how your Vagus nerve and your "fight or flight" response dictate how you experience (and store) emotion.
Emotional Mapping: Learn to identify how different "feels" show up in your physical body before they take over your mind.
The Energetic Signature: Why some emotions feel heavy and stagnant while others feel sharp and electric—and what to do with both.
Specific Supports for Specific Feels: Practical, somatic tools for the big ones:
The heat of anger
The weight of grief
The flutter of anxiety
The expansion of joy and pleasure
What’s Included:
The Masterclass Video: A comprehensive session on grounding in and navigating the emotional landscape without losing your footing.
The Emotional Support Toolkit (PDF): Reflection Questions and tools to support your through the days and feels that arise in us
"An emotion is just a guest. You don't have to let them move in, but you do have to open the door."
Come back to center.
You don't have to be afraid of what you feel. When you understand the connection between your body and your energy, you stop being a victim to your moods and start becoming the conscious observer of your life.
Needing to be in control is an emotional response.
A response to not having our needs met; to not feeling safe within ourselves; to having no control over our bodies and our natural response systems or how we react to situations.
We’ve lost the control within ourselves, so it moves outwards.
I, personally, am very familiar with control.
In my younger years, I would describe myself as borderline Obsessive-Compulsive. Especially in my work, as a leader in the frontlines. The chaos inside there is very real and unpredictable, so as a young woman who was already disconnected from herself, and had staff looking for a very black and white answer for all of the different things and situations, control (ie: very structured) became the norm.
Control carried me beyond work life. I was somebody who didn’t necessarily believe in love (my models weren’t great ones in this aspect) and so I controlled my own narrative by keeping myself distanced and out of anything or anybody that could offer love.
Even in friendships; I, of course cherished these, but I also hid myself behind my people pleasing tendencies. There was love here, but it was conditional on what I could do for others. Even now, reflecting recently that friendships have dissipated because I have learned to speak up for myself, that I spoke my truth, regardless of where it had the potential to land me.
With my now, husband (because I overcame some of those love things … although thats not how we started 😂), I would attempt to take what I knew to be true and push it onto him, instead of witnessing him as imperfectly human, just like me.
In my home, oh my god .. my home. Bringing two people (plus kids) with very different upbringings into a home with a woman (aka me) who has a history of needing to control things … weeooo… what a trip… and exhaustion as I became nit-picky about all the little things. Man, did it feel good.
Often, when I bring up control, I witness others being defensive. Tense up. Brace themselves for impact. That or the unfollow real quick.
This is literally what we are raised on, so the reaction makes perfect sense. AND I invite you, the next time something you read or hear makes you clench.. stay with it for a minute (unless it really is gross shit that you have no interest in loll).
Connect to your breath » I have a free practice up on youtube for you
Ask yourself … what is my resistance? You’ll get an answer
Is this resistance protecting me, or keeping me small?
Our societies core is control. A power over, instead of a power with. We see it broadly out there in the political world, all the way into our homes with the narrative of children being less than, because somehow that made leeway, so the reaction is warranted.
It is not a flaw or a bad habit. It is the response that your nervous systems developed to keep you safe, when safety was missing.
And moving out of control, moving out of this pattern, is not something that is a quick fix. It is becoming comfortable with uncertainty; the learning to move through and show compassion for the anxieties that can arise, our bodies need to build the capacity.
Our breath, is my favourite way to build capacity. Practice with the above mentioned as much as possible, or.. come on into my ecosystem with our free, 9 day ARise challenge full of Somatic tips, tools, resources and a few different practices to breath with >>>
The cost of needing to control is dynamic.
Affecting us through many different layers of our lives, from our physical bodies because staying tense aint good for those, to our relationships (hint: your outsourcing your own happiness if you are trying to control how another moves in this life), stress affecting our emotional health … imagine how a tense body reacts to situations.
Tension breeds misery.
Breeds anger.
Breeds that power-over dynamic.
The cost can also look like:
> exhaustion
> isolation
> lack of intimacy
The root of needing to control is trust, or lack thereof.
When we need to control, we don’t trust in ourselves, in others, or dare I say, The Universe, God, Creator.
And the whole process starts with the self.
You know, that person who became so disconnected from herself, lost trust in herself because everything she knew within, she was taught was wrong.
This is the work. Maybe the deepest you can do. The little surrenders, one at a time, definitely not all at once (although those trust falls become next level). A process, a building of capacity, like we mentioned, the witnessing and being in the process as opposed to what comes next and when.
Self trust is the deep homecoming, and the exact kind of work that we do inside of our signature program.
Doors open 1-2x per year; you’ll want to get into that above challenge to find out when our next cohort is… or take it deeper, and apply to work, individually, with me.
When we release the tension, we make room for the restored feminine that the world has spent centuries trying to erase.
But she’s not going anywhere.
Because anybody that knows, knows that by claiming her, we have room for more than we ever realized was possible.
> We can receive
> We can soften (another term the world hates 😂
> We connect back to our own intuition and what we know
And so, so much more.
Trust the pull.
You already know.
xx. Cait
